Now I just have to wait...

Sunday night, and im actually looking forward to Monday morning lol. Im out and about with the neighbourhood officers tomorrow. All part of the training. Although i think we only have a training schedule because we dont have a phone or computer as yet! Its almost like its still part of the council eh?! Im trying to eat little and often, although admittedly its not working too well yet. I might try the old way of measuring my waist every so often instead. Im a little half hearted about it all at the moment. A recent conversation has had me thinking quite a bit. Should IVF really be allowed, or should we take notice of nature. Premature thinking, i know, but is all this effort a waste of time? Regardless, my BMI says im underweight anyway, so i do need to pile some pounds on! Its debatable as to whether the scales are working properly though, so maybe I am putting weight on and just cant tell :) Ive been putting Snooch on a lot of fattening foods. He has a bowl of milk every day, and hes been eating pasta, cheese, mash, all sorts of fruit veg and nuts. Ive weight him tonight and i think he is a little heavier, but im a bit crap at reading scales! From what I can work out (maths not being my strong point!) he seems to be 1.2.5 so he is putting weight on. Sadly, the fur hasnt returned as yet! but we'll see.
I need to get creative again. Ive seen a beautiful dress in Proposals, which im going to copy for Claire and Jonnys wedding. Ive got a month to do it. Hopefully on Friday, with my spangly new wages, i can get some material.
I think thats all i need to say for now :) I really should sleep soon coz tomorrow will be long day no doubt! Bring on the scum!

Brighter horizons

Finally! I have a job! Wednesday 5th Sep is my start date. Im so excited. Its only temporary, for three months, but that should work out nicely if I get the Auditors role from yesterday. Both Matt and I are interested in doing it. Yes, im sure it will be monotonously boring but the pays good, itll be mostly nights, (since i dont like mornings!) and we can pick and choose the jobs we do. But we'll have to wait and see about that one. This one is working in the call centre of Shoreline housing, so should be pretty good. The important thing is that for the short term Ill have some regular money coming in. Its happened on the right day too. This morning i recieved a letter from the DWP saying they cant give me any money. So I really was just scum, coz even the dole wouldnt pay me! lol. Its made me really angry actually. The reason they say they cant pay me is because i didnt pay enough NI, but i was working part time. Work this out - in a tax year (this year has gone up) you have to earn 50 times 82. So 50 weeks work earning at least £82. So basically, because i was part time, they cant do fuck all. If i had the power, id take them to court and ask for NI contributions back. Do them for fraud or false advertising or summat!
With the weight thing, Becky told me that anorexics are made to eat 6 or so meals a day. So this is something ive also been trying. Its hard getting 3 in never mind 6, but im trying to eat small and regular. My last weigh in was 5st 7lb 0. Im hoping that was wrong! So im going to give it a couple of days. Im not the only one trying to put weight on at the minute. Snooch had to be taken to the vets last night, his mouth was bleeding. Turned out the poor things teeth were overgrown. I feel like ive neglected him, because i should have noticed. Also with his fur loss, I havent noticed his weight loss. So hes on a fattening diet too :) His weight is 0lb 6, at the moment, so we'll keep check of him too.

Losing it

Damn it, its happened again. Intentions start out well, but things get in the way. Eating kinda gets pushed to the back of your mind doesnt it? And if you dont eat for long enough, you dont really feel hungry anymore. This morning started really well. I had a bowl of cereal, then I had 1 and half bacon and egg buns. But the day stole my time, so the only other things I got were an Eskimoo (scrum!) and a handful of popcorn chicken. I feel so disappointed with myself that im not even going to weigh myself. I just know what little ive gained will probably be gone today. We were childminding this evening, I even got that wrong. Can you believe I couldnt even cook them a dinner right? Absolutely gutted. Things like that make me realise why natures given me problems. Quite obviously I cant even look after myself can I? Its all shit. On a slightly brighter note, Matt gave me my very first driving lesson today! Only the very basics, but how good does it feel to drive? I even managed to drive past a pedestrian without causing an accident :)
I know there are certain things that I cant control, but I have to at least try. I have to have faith in myself, if nothing else.
Tomorrow, all being well, Matt will be helping me get some photos of the skirt I made for my facebook site. I also have a few application forms to fill in. So roll on a new day!